Vilfredo Pareto was an Italian economist, sociologist, philosopher, and longstanding recipient of the Most Fun Name to Say Award. While dethroned from this final accolade by Disney’s Johnny Tsunami in the late 90s, Pareto’s legacy as an economist lives on. He’s credited with the popularized 80/20 Rule—i.e., the Pareto Principle—which says that 80% of outcomes stem from 20% of inputs.
Shortly, we’ll explore how the Pareto Principle can be applied to dating. But first, let’s pause to appreciate this photo of Vilfredo Pareto, the man behind the concept.
Wow, what a majestic beard! you may be thinking. Surely Vilfredo never struggled in the love department. Well, I wish I could report that was the case. Alas, Pareto had a somewhat troubled love life. In 1902, his wife left him for a “young servant,” and it took more than twenty years for him to remarry. Might he have found another wife more quickly had he applied his 80/20 Rule to dating? We’ll never know.
Fortunately, we can learn from Vilfredo.
Dating Smarter with the 80/20 Rule
When you’re embarking on your own dating journey, and particularly if you’re strapped for time, the Pareto Principle offers useful insights.
- 20% of your dating actions generate 80% of your connections.
- 20% of places contain 80% of people you’d like to date.
- 20% of your dates will lead to 80% of your dating happiness.
The goal? Identify and focus on that high-impact 20%, freeing up time for other parts of your life while still making meaningful progress in your search for a partner.
Maximal Love, Minimal Effort
The average dating-app user spends ten hours per week on these platforms, or about forty-five hours monthly. Let’s assume they also spend another five hours per month looking for love in the real world. This would mean that in a typical month, the average online dater will have actively invested about fifty hours searching for a life partner.
If Vilfredo were still alive, he would say that we could spend a fifth of this time—ten hours per month in this example—and still get 80% of the benefits if we spend that time wisely. So how can we do that?
Three Questions to Prioritize Your Time Effectively
Start by asking yourself:
- What would you do to meet your life partner if you only had 10 hours per month?
- What about 5 hours per month?
- How about 2 hours per month?
Your answers will highlight which actions are most efficient. As your time allocation decreases, your focus should narrow to activities with an even higher payoff.
Think of this as a very meta take on the Pareto Principle—finding the productive 20% inside an already productive 20%. These are the instances when an even smaller number of inputs can lead to an even higher ratio of output.
The Pareto Principle Squared
The small black box—representing two hours, just 4% of the time typically spent dating—can produce 64% of the results that fifty less-efficient hours might yield. To maximize this hyper-impactful time, recognize that these “black box actions” will evolve.
One week you’re out doing a photo shoot with a friend, capturing more flattering, authentic pictures. The next, you’re texting five people for profile feedback and making updates. Week Three might focus on meeting folks IRL, stopping at the dog park after work. Or maybe your two hours are best spent consulting a dating coach.
Will you always know what actions are most efficient? Probably not. But by regularly asking, “How can I use my time most efficiently this week?” you’ll keep productivity top of mind and learn to adjust your approach based on the results you see.
A Final Note
When it comes to dating, less really can be more. By embracing the Pareto Principle, you can focus on the small percentage of efforts that deliver most of your success. So ask yourself, “Am I focusing on the 20% that truly counts?”
