You’ve matched with someone intriguing on a dating app, and the conversation is flowing. But as the days tick by, you’re wondering: when’s the right time to suggest meeting in person?

Hinge suggests that “most people are comfortable moving off the app within five days of chatting,” but each situation is unique. Timing that feels comfortable for one person may feel too fast or too slow for the other.

It’s important to respect that the person on the other end of the message exchange is approaching your interaction with an entire lifetime of experiences, both positive and negative. These experiences can shape their level of comfort when meeting up with a new person. Practically, this means there isn’t a single answer for all situations.

With that said, dating apps are meant for dating. Especially given the dangers of excess swiping, my view is that it may be beneficial to move from online messaging to offline meetings sooner rather than later.

Why Moving Offline Matters

While it’s tempting to stay in the safety zone of digital banter, you’re not likely to figure out compatibility until you meet face-to-face. Too many conversations go like this:

• Hey! How was your weekend??
• It was pretty good! How about yours?
• It was fun. I went with some friends to see the Dodgers play. They’re so good this year! What’d you do?
• Oh, nice! I don’t really follow baseball, but I’m all in for the hotdogs!
• Totally! I was mostly going because some friends at work were heading. But I AGREE. Hotdogs are what it’s all about. A little relish, some mustard. Can’t go wrong! What’s your hotdog order?
• Not relish! Do they still have the peppers and onions? You gotta have those.
• Spot on! Peppers and onions FOR THE WIN. I definitely added some of those. But no relish?
• No, I’m all for the pickle spears you get on the side of your sandwich, but sweet pickles are gross.
• I LOVE PICKLE SPEARS. Literally every time I get a sandwich I ask for extra.

And so it goes, endlessly, with pickle banter. Each party waits for the other to move things along, but neither takes the initiative. Eventually, one runs out of opinions about condiments and the conversation dies.

Breaking the Ice: How to Transition to a Date

You may worry that suggesting a date too soon will alienate your matches. And that is possible. But spending a week discussing hotdog preferences is not the solution, unless you’re looking for a digital pen pal to discuss concession-stand goodies with. (In which case, you belong on a different website.)

Instead, try one of these transitions to move from message to date:

• “Hey! It seems like we both appreciate brined cucumbers. Should we meet up and see if we’re a good match in other areas, too? There’s a great deli I’d love to take you to this week. Maybe Thursday or Friday? Your extra pickle is on me.”
• “Hey, it’s fun chatting with you! Would you be up for continuing this in person?”
• “I’m having a great time getting to know you. I’d love to see if it translates in the real world!”
• “As much as I’m really enjoying our online banter, I’m thinking we might do an even better job offline.”
• “I’m not sure the best way to transition our conversation, but if you’re up for meeting in person, it would be great to get together this week for a walk after work!”

Each suggestion keeps the tone friendly and casual while making it clear you’re interested in meeting up for an actual date.

Handling Reactions: What Their Response Tells You

When you transition the conversation, one of two things will happen. Your match will write you back, or they won’t.

If it’s the former, that’s great! If not, you may still gain useful insight. It could indicate that the other person is using apps for “non-connection-promoting” reasons like self-validation, entertainment, or a dopamine rush. Recognizing this early on can spare you from unnecessary additional investment, saving you time and energy to devote to individuals whose intentions are more aligned with your own.

Ready to Move Things Along?

The next time you’re messaging a match, don’t be afraid to suggest meeting in person. Remember, dating apps are meant for dating! So whether it’s coffee, a walk, or deli sandwiches with extra pickles, transitioning offline helps you determine if there’s a real-world connection in the making.